06.00 – Alarm goes off but I’ve been awake for hours, early start today, need to call the couriers. Ever since I saw the ‘Missed Delivery Card’ on Saturday I’ve been waiting excitedly for 7 o’clock this morning when UKMail’s office opens again. A little surprised they didn’t open up on Sunday to be honest.
06.58 – Got straight through to UKMail(glad I set the alarm, bet everyone else will be on hold for ages) I tell them I’m calling about my new Apple iPhone 5 with Siri natural language commands and dictation but they recognise my voice from the answerphone messages, apparently it would have automatically been redelivered today anyway, it was definitely worth a few phonecalls and a handful emails to be sure though.
07.02 – Turn on BBC Breakfast to check weather reports for potential delivery complications, accidentally add a 0 and end up on Radio One, someone called ‘Grimmy’ is trying too hard. I reflect that his camp, nasal, overtly theatrical North Manchester drone would probably make me quite embarrassed if I was Mancunian.
07.27 – Freaky! Was just pondering how this is my last morning as a pleb and a story comes on the news about Government Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell calling a policeman a pleb on Wednesday! Two days before the release date. How the hell did he get his hands on one so early?
07.49 – There’s a piece on the news that Apple has just topped the ‘Coolbrands’ cool brand list.
08.12 – A car pulls up, I naturally assume it’s a courier. Turns out it’s just a neighbour turning around, I wave to them from the gate but get little response. Go back inside and continue getting dressed.
08.40 – This wait is agonising, can’t believe The Wife wouldn’t let me go and queue outside the Apple Store on Thursday night like all the normal people.
09.07 – Idly scan Facebook whilst Dragon Quest loads, everyone seems to be sharing ’50 Shades Of Pwllheli’, reflect on how the Internet is wasted on some people, Dragon Quest opens.
09.33 – Notice a ‘Severe Weather Warning’ for the South-South East UK, immediately call UKMail, Amanda assures me it won’t affect a delivery between the Rhyl depot and Pwllheli. Also asks me to stop tying up the phone, I assume that things may not be quite so clear cut. Resolve to call back at 10.
09.50 – Amanda says there’s no more news, but I think it must be getting stressful there as she seems quite snappy on the phone. Will give her half an hour and see if she’s calmed down.
10.16 – Nick Clegg is on the news talking about the “Pleb” thing from the Liberal Democrat Party Conference in Brighton, he seems furious, fuels my suspicion that he’s a HTC man.
10.20 – Decide to have a Cup A Soup, kettle takes ages to boil, bet there’s an App for pre-boiling the kettle, will definitely check on the iPad when the iOS 6 update has finished, can’t be long now as I started it last night to be sure it would be ready for the big day.
10.31 – On hold to UKMail, wonder who is making the Cup A Soup’s at Number 10 while Clegg is in Brighton?
11.19 – They mention something on the local news about an accident on the A55 causing hold ups, I immediately call UKMail to check they know. Amanda’s Line Manager interrupts the call, he seems quite agitated. I agree to end the call and let them get on, I assure the Line Manager I’ll check in in half an hour or so, he says I don’t need to, I assure him I don’t mind.
11.49 – The Wife returns from doing the big shop, a bit embarrassing when she asks where The Child is, it appears she’s been in her room, I explain about the weather warnings and the accident on the A55, but I’m not sure The Wife can really hear over the crying. Vow to set ‘Reminders’ on my new Apple iPhone 5 with LED-backlit IPS TFT, capacitive touchscreen when I have The Child in future.
11.56 – Knock Knock!!! Surprised to see it’s just a standard van, but I suppose they’re probably trying to keep a low profile. Explain to the driver about the Apple iPhone 5’s 4g capability and enhanced 8 megapixel iSight camera. He asks me a couple of times to sign for it as he has to get on, I nip in to get a print out of a review I’d found on the Techradar website. When I return the driver’s just leaving, I assume he’s got to go back to pick up another Apple iPhone 5 with Corning Gorilla Glass, oleophobic coating for someone else, I allow myself a moment to reflect that they will be a pleb for a little longer than I, bet they wish they’d set their alarm earlier! The driver appears to signal to me that he’ll be back in two minutes, but he doesn’t return, possibly something to do with the A55.
11.57 – Struggle to tear through the cellophane as I’m all fingers and thumbs!
11.59 – Get a fresh Cup A Soup(Perhaps they go back in shifts? Brighton to London can’t take that long) and sit at the table where I’ve already prepared a space for installation. Take a deep breath and lift the lid.
12.08 – I feel like I’ve been staring at my new Apple iPhone 5 with simultaneous HD video and image recording, for 10 minutes, feel a little embarrassed, shy almost! It can’t judge me though! Can it? I check the guide, it can’t.
12.11 – Installation!!!
12.49 – Installation.
14.54 – Delighted to discover that my Apple iPhone 5 with voice memo, command and dial capability has a sleek new charger/USB. I had been slightly concerned that I wouldn’t be able to remember which charger was which, as I currently have two outdated iPhone chargers, a similarly old fashioned iPad charger, an erroneous iPod charger and a vintage iCharger all dotted around the house and work. I reflect on how it will be much easier now that I can carry my new charger with me rather than use these ancient leads.
15.07 – The Wife sees my streamlined new fitting and says that I only got the new Apple iPhone 5 with Dual-core 1.2 GHz CPU, rather than the HTC she says I prefer because it would be easier as we already have compatible accessories, docks and spare chargers. I ask her to leave.
15.09 – Reflect that I should not rise to The Wife’s accusations. Besides she only has an decrepit iPhone 4S so is probably jealous.
16.23 – I turn off my new Apple iPhone 5 with 16m colour display and 326ppi pixel density , pause for a moment, just long enough to catch my breath and turn it on again. The Wife announces that it’s just the same as my old one, but I dismiss her again. It’s not the same anyway. My old one had a shattered screen for a start. Shaken, I comfort myself with the two Apple decals that Apple have generously included in the Apple iPhone 5’s box with sleak graphite lid, I vow not to be hasty and save them until I have carefully considered their application.
16.25 – My Apple iPhone 5 with Apple A6 chip springs in to life, my hands turn to jelly. Installation stage 2 of 5 complete!
16.26 – I realise that in all the excitement, I haven’t called Amanda back to tell her the driver got through. Have to call her back from the work Blackberry as there’s no reception on my Apple iPhone 5 with A-GPS support and GLONASS, reflect that I must check whether there’s an App for that.
iPhone 5 Day +1
08.14 – Spent the night backing up my old phone with Apple’s fabulous iCloud system, ready for my Apple iPhone 5 with PowerVR SGX 543MP3 (triple-core graphics) to finish installing.
11.16 – Less than 24 hours after I took delivery of my Apple iPhone 5 with nano-SIM card support and it’s already up and running, amazing! Managed to keep most of my contacts and everything… how do they do it!?!?!
11.17 – Get a lump in my throat as I receive my first Apple iPhone 5 with iMessage, push notification and email capability, text notification to say I have answer phone messages from when the signal was down. Reflect that HTC don’t offer this feature and vow to call the answer phone and retrieve the messages when signal returns again.
11.21 – Decide to drive into town to get a signal, in case the messages are important, it’s a lovely sunny day, reflect that if I had an HTC I’d probably just be sat on my sofa and wonder if this is why the plebs always look so pasty?