Insert Title Here (Alternatively just write a load of nonsense about Dragons Den, Rick Astley and the S-Project)(No idea either, sorry)

Sooooo… Can’t sleep, can’t think, can’t find anything on Netflix(having watched all 19 titles they have)(fairly sure it is the only media service more backward than Llŷn Video, Pwllheli Cinema, “mother in law” mobile phones or Dorset), can’t be arsed going downstairs and getting climbed all over by The Wife’s cats, can’t stop reminiscing about Dre, can’t stop thinking about all the things Rick Astley assures me he absolutely will not, under any circumstance, do(Give me up, let me down, run around, desert me, make me cry, say goodbye, tell a lie… the list goes on), can’t think of a subject for a Soap Box Rant* and have now resorted to Googling “Blog Topics”. Rather marvellously this brought up a “Blog Topic Generator” which, I suspect got a rapturous review on Dragon’s Den.

Anyway, I’m going for it… quickfire stylee…

Keeping Rhythm
N/A, I have natural rhythm.

Most Loved Character In History
Summer Reed – Home and Away.

Art Jobs
Being the first tour guide at the Tate to have to justify Tracey Emin’s “My Bed” to a coach load of pensioners from Ipswich.


“…and then in 2002, Nigella Lawson’s husband bought the piece for £150,000”

Pop vs. Hip hop
Pop, as a known mother flipping G, I don’t have to prove myself by sitting on the back of a bus playing plastic rap through my mobile’s speakers… and NKOTB’s Donnie Walhberg was clearly harder than Vanilla Ice anyway.

History Of Religion
War. Imaginary friends for the pre-Big Brother generations. Bigotry. (Easy)

Depictions Of Satan
‘Satan’ may be a little strong but, the look on Cristiano Ronaldo’s face when it suddenly dawned on him that his evil-genius plan to put himself down for the fifth shoot out penalty (Spain vs Portugal Euro 2012 Semi Final) so he could get the glory and stand chest out, pouting furiously at the crowd, as his adoring teammates ran to mob him as they defeated the favourites and cruised magnificently into the final was somewhat dependant on the shoot out going the distance and not, for instance, ending 4-2, when Alves and Moutinho missed. Perhaps not the classic depiction of Satan, but certainly my fondest.




Matchstick Modelling
Useful way of determining when it’s officially time to call it[life] a day.

The Smallest Country In The World
Vatican? Home to the best piece of graffiti I have ever seen, on the toilet wall in the Vatican Gift Shop “Reverend Tim Burn From Toronto Was Here – 2010” (proving on so many levels that nothing is sacred). My faithful HTC lies dead, but safe, in a drawer purely because I hope that one day I will be able to rescue the photograph from it.

The S-Process
The recognised technique used by astronauts to reach for the stars, space etc?

Well, that killed an hour, it’s just brought up “Running” for a third time and it’s daylight now so I think I’ll call that job done.

As a final note, I’d just like to say ‘well done’ to Theo, Peter, dour Scottish chap and Deborah for believing in the “Random Blog Topic Generator 1.0” in the first place, investing in it and making some bloggy techno-geek a multi squillionaire and enabling him to pay z-list celebrities to parade around his Coventry mansion in the actual slave girl outfit Carrie Fisher wore in Return Of The Jedi.

Supernanny – Money Well Spent.

* That’s not strictly true but…
“People that park in bus stops should be classed as ‘shootable'”, “If it’s ‘better than the leading brand’ why isn’t it the leading brand?”, “Highway Code For Range Rovers”, “A Modern Cookbook, which details exactly what you need to add to ‘Now with no added salt’ etc products to make them taste like they used to”, “Gwynedd Council: Schedule of planned roadworks July-September 2012 to cause maximum inconvenience to tourists on the Llŷn Peninsula”, “Our cat is on pills for stress, despite being a cat”… etc
…are in storage for an occasion when it’s less likely my head will explode mid rant.

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