6 months ago I was tapping away at this same iPhone (not strictly true as that was three handsets ago- 1x meltdown, 1x slight soup incident, 1x unfortunately placed bucket of water) in the dead of night, as I waited for ‘Words’ opponents to crack on, when The Wife decided we’d have The Child.
Now The Child has me wedged bolt upright on/off the side of the bed, having ‘explained’ to us at some length that, while she isn’t one to make a fuss, she appears to have a selection of tooths growing through her gums which are presenting her with some level of discomfort and she’d really appreciate it if we, The Parents, would kindly make it desist(obviously I’m paraphrasing a little). Now, The Child sleeps and The Wife has been dispatched to the East Wing to do likewise and here I am…
Facebook’s out of the question, I’ve just sent Biggles the longest and most random message in the world, only to realise it was actually a wall post(which scarily, even with the new ‘random’ settings imposed on everyone’s Newsfeeds, will be there for everyone to see and mock in the morning)(Take note Little Joshie, ‘Real’ Facebookers don’t delete), so I am removing myself from that particular time wasting arena before any more damage is done to my fragile Newsfeed Cred and am left with the age old question(May 10 to be precise), too blog or not to blog?
Having recently tried to introduce some form of order into proceedings on here, (by doing an index page you understand, not by reporting on useful subjects, although I’m still hopeful ‘Letts’ will use my Henry VIII essay in future revision guides) it seems appropriate and safer all round(I discovered a half finished rant about the link between Vegetarianists and Nazis on my phone last week) if I just stick to a brief(the previous three paragraphs would suggest otherwise)sit rep(Biggles will like that) of The Soap Box so far.
Obviously, I know how educational and thought provoking you will be finding my musings and this is, of course my main goal. For I was born to serve and whilst I provide this service freely for my public, I have recently found the greatest payment possible within WordPress’s own workings. It would appear I’m not actually that weird. Possibly a little quirky, but definitely NOT weird.
I make this bold boast having discovered the ‘Top Search Referrals” section* of the Soap Box’s inner sanctum, basically it shows what people have typed into Google to end up reading the essays. All this is fairly obvious, run of the mill (Marathon Soap Box, Marathon Box Soap, Marathon Bucket List… etc) boring stuff until you start scrolling down into the lower listings and then… well, there’s some odd balls out there.
In the last seven days for instance, someone is clearly investigating the Hugo Boss and/or the Third Reich(‘or’ was my immediate thought, which is a bit odd and would suggest a lucky dip approach from Google), someone has searched so thoroughly for ‘Peggy Blackett’ that on page 3 million of Google’s results they’ve ended up on here (probably left a better person though to be fair) and importantly three people have questioned whether Ruud Van Nistelrooy and Louisa Glasson are indeed related.
I say importantly because I am now delighted to say I have a final and definitive answer: No.
Back in the day somewhere around series 3, when I cunningly tricked Pumpkin into his Glasson Obsession Confession(would have been a brilliant headline if Doyle was actually famous enough to warrant one)(may have just stumbled on what to do with this ridiculous Twitter account I appear to have though, because, and this will shock you, aside from being baffled by all the symbols I have been a little concerned about how I’d fare sticking to 140 characters), I wasn’t asking the question because I thought there was any vague chance they were, it was just a bit of throwaway comedy gold.
Worryingly though, there are people out there who are clearly so socially bewildered that they are using the Internet to conduct this sort of research. It certainly aids my argument for Sky to introduce a ‘Jeremy Kyle Channel’ showing repeats 24 hours a day to keep these muppets off the streets and out of harms, and specifically our, way. I concede that there is a chance it’s people who had already read “Louisa Glasson – The Musical” and couldn’t remember the name, but surely they’d have searched ‘Marathon Box’ etc. I refuse however to concede there’s any chance it’s people who’ve read the blog and are seeking clarification on Catz-Van Nistelrooy’s respective upbringings, because that would lead me to the conclusion that you, my students, have been infiltrated by dim witted morons.
So, anyway (bear with me a second, LOUISA GLASSON CAROLINE CATZ RUUD VAN NISTELROOY RELATED SIBLINGS DOC MARTIN, hopefully that’s got the Googler’s attention), Caroline Catz is definitely NOT related to Ruud Van Nistelrooy, I know this because I have just discovered she’s my faithful family doctor’s actual daughter(Won’t give his or her real name, in case Doc Martin groupies start besieging his surgery, mostly because I’m not heading that way for a while and want my box sets signing, so I’m worried he’d get tired of the Martinettes and block my ‘in’), and there it is.
Googlists, you are welcome and Larry Page, I look forward to my first royalty cheque from ‘Google Answers’.
*Alongside the popular Tudor related ‘referals’ I get a surprising amount looking for “Militant Vegetarian”, which aside from worrying me that I may get flagged in some CIA anti terror sting, is always brilliant for the mental image of a plastic shoed, eco warrior, vegetablist being so incensed by the cruelty they just witnessed on Ready Steady Cook that they slammed down The Guardian and got straight on the internetwork.