“You know that Louisa Glasson?”
“I know mate, guilty pleasure or what!”
“Errr… no… I was wondering if she was related to Ruud Van Nistelrooy?”
“Oh… not sure… ha… errr, you know I was joking right?!”
I’m yet to clarify whether friend of the blog Caroline Catz(Glasson) and Ruud Van Nistelrooy(Van Nistelrooy) are related or not, but Doyle’s admission that fateful afternoon has stuck with me ever since. To this day I’ve been unable to get him to expand (Character or actress? Either way I’m a little confused) but it does make me wonder what other guilty gems he’s hiding from us all. And then, yesterday afternoon, I got caught out in our office. I was meant to be catching up on some paperwork, but instead I was crouched over the internet and did not notice The Wife sneaking up on me(admittedly bringing me a brew, but nevertheless if you don’t knock it’s not my fault if you see things you don’t want to see).
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!” she exclaimed, horrified.
Obviously I panicked and desperately began trying to close tabs and hide my dirty little secret
“Errrrr, nothing, just work… I’m working!”
It was fairly obvious the game was up. She had caught me. I had to confess. Slowly, reluctantly I clicked on a tab and opened the Youtube window still blasting out Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman’s excellent version of “Time To Say Goodbye”.
“It’s just a bit of opera love, I’m sorry”
After the shock of it all, I felt quite liberated, and having come out to her I even allowed myself to crank up the volume a little and let myself go with a bit of Blood Brothers (Barbara Dickson, obviously) and Hayley Westernra’s haunting version of ‘Wuthering Heights’ by the equally phenominal Kate Bush.
It is in this spirit of freedom and guiltless liberation that I stand proud and shout from the rooftops (or more accurately type on an iPhone) that “Yes!!! I am a closet birder”, “Yes!!! I sing along(phenomenally) to Phantom” and “Yes!!! As die hard a City fan as I am, I missed the whole Tevez non-substitution contraversy because I’d snuggled up on the sofa to watch Doc Martin”. Not because of any weird fascination with Catz I hasten to add. Going back to Glassongate, I should point out that Doyle is a… how do you put this… ‘polished’ sort of gentlemen, the sort of chap who(like myself) the ladies could happilly chew the arm off, indeed the sort of fellow who once remarked to me “God, I hate it when girls say how pretty I am” (with real pain and certainly no hint of irony or comedy in his tone), in short, not the sort of guy I would have expected to have guilty urges for Louisa Glasson. Anyway, in a desperate attempt to move on and in the spirit of out and proud, closet smashing, deliciousness here are my…
“Top Ten Secret YouTube Delights (Popular and Classical/Musical) For When The Wife Is Out”
(and as a servant of the people I’ve even linked them, I know, you don’t deserve me)
Musicals, Opera And That
Barbara Dickson – Tell Me It’s Not True (Educate Yourself)
Madonna – Another Suitcase In Another Hall (Forgive Her For The Baby Stealing And The One In a Limo With Ali G)
Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman – Time To Say Goodbye (This Woman Was Married To Andrew Lloyd Webber)
Michael Crawford & Sarah Brightman – Music Of The Night (Frank Spencer)
Ruthie Henshall – Maybe This Time (Picture Your Favourite Pub Drunk And… Listen)
Beyonce Knowles – Listen (Mrs Z – But Good)
Ruthie Henshall – As Long As He Needs Me (Nancy, Bizarrely My First Crush)
Susan Boyle – I Dreamed A Dream (Josh Boyd Does Les Miserablés)
M – Send In The Clowns (Dame Good)
Marti Webb – Take That Look Off Your Face (I Can See Through Your Smile)
Bonus: Hayley Westernra – Wuthering Heights (Bit Tenuous Putting It In This Section, But Brilliant)
Pop, Ballads And General Stuff The Bar Manager Will Shout At Me For*
Heart – Alone (Chills Me To The Bone)
A Ha – Sun Always Shines On TV (First Tape Bought)
Leann Rimes – Can’t Fight The Moonlight (Piper Perabo For Those Gents Who Are Trying To Remember)
B*Witched – C’est La Vie (Lindsay Armaou, Again For The Gents)
Cleopatra – Cleopatra’s Theme (Seen Them Live)
Kriss Kross – Jump (#2 Worst Songs To Get Caught Singing Along To By Customers)
Westlife – Flying Without Wings (…Wait For The Keychange)
Aqua – Turn Back Time (Sliding Doors, When The World Realised Just How Annoying Paltrow Is)
Joey Scarbury – Believe It Or Not (Greatest American Hero?)
Avril Lavigne – I’m With You (Greatest Canadian Hero?)
Bonus: The Calling – Wherever You Go (Had To Take This Off My List After The Bar Manager Put It On The Jukebox And Half The Pub Sang Along, Clearly Relatively Guiltfree)
* Actually, how much ridicule and smirking can you take about your ‘shockingly commercial taste in “music”‘ (deliberate double ” ” by the way, as Timmy, in particular, and The Bar Manager feel it necessary to do the finger “‘s whenever my taste in “music” is mentioned), from someone who tries to hide his love of Glee behind his NME subscription?! I know the day will come when I’ll grow tired of the memory of The Bar Managers query “Do you Glee?”, but for the moment it remains, my one true entirely guiltless “pleasure”.
Next Week: In the spirit of coming out and re-educating the NME snobs, I shall discuss why everyone should have seen(or ideally own) Coyote Ugly.